Eventually came the depression, as I had predicted for myself. I struggled to be up this morning, only to find I was totally lost in where I was. Money, fame, academy, employment… none could tell which I’m supposed to be after. I fail to fall asleep night after night that I even beg alcohol to help knowing it’s retarded of me to have invited these headaches myself.

Wishin‘ we could do somethin‘ else special other than fuck the financial crisis that is leadin‘ us to an impasse of future, yet we gotta realize our previous and precious dreams.

$50,000 is nothin‘ but a number anyways.
But how come I should be so cruel to myself???

Fatigue is the word if u must depict me.

I’m always satisfyin‘ without thinkin‘ if I’m equal to takin‘ that part. Men are born to be tolerant and to endure the pain. That’s me. And that’s all me.

Dear boys’n'gals, I’m still militatin‘ against the future depression. It’ll still be some time before everythin‘ goes in my favor.

If not buried alive, I’ll try to survive by all means. It never comes that I breathe the last breath of air when bein‘ laughed at by the muthafuckings.

What I’m gonna do this year is a big question like the contents page before a thick book that is whereas empty. I mean, this year is a brand new container.
Things lying ahead are hard to tell, even if there’s good and bad as well. It’s time to pick up successively the right things into the container.
I can’t predict everything, I’d rather decide personally on the items, though.

The above paragraph may not be comprehensible to you. To make it brief, I should say, 2009 is a year to watch my inner self.Maybe you don’t know how I admire those who are already at work and making their fortunes. I don’t admire money or fame. The reason to explain such admiration is that I need a constant attachment for my career. Nevertheless, I feel myself afloat in this society, like an empty boat lost at sea.

So in 2009, I have to force myself into a strong attachment for my career. Possibly I will change a different job. But I think I should do my best whatever job at hand.

Some Key Words of 2009:

Teaching – This is what I’m doing at New Oriental School.
Research – This is what I’ll do at Nankai University.
Music – I’m going on with the habit of “musical diary” (ie. to keep a diary in the form of writing songs).
Money – Should get plenty as possible since the financial crisis gradually emerges. Pay off the debts.
Mother – The one who I show the most concern for.
French – Ain’t easy for me to pick it up after a year and half but I’ll try my best to get a decent result.
Other languages – If possible, I’d like to improve them all.
Charity – To do good to people and animals as much as possible, wherever and whenever.
Friends – I think I should reach them actively rather than wait for them calling me.
Bodybuilding – Must resume no matter how busy I’ll be. Not for losing weight actually.
Family – to do something for the rest of my family.